These N.J. men just took Dad 101. And, it worked. – NJ.com

Seth Paraison is an involved parent and a member of the “Daddy’s Network,” an organization of fathers, at his son’s school in Newark.

But a flyer he received about a father empowerment class in the neighborhood was intriguing beyond school-related topics. The class, he thought, could help him have a better relationship with Zihere, his active 4-year-old boy, whom he says is a handful.

“I want our relationship to be more than discipline,” said Paraison, who is married and has two daughters, 11 and 8. “I want it to be more about love and trying get on his level where he understands what I’m trying to say.”

Al-Amin Means, 43, of East Orange, says he’s in a race against time to make up for three years he missed with his 17-year-old daughter and 20-year-old son. He said he served three years in jail for aggravated manslaughter when he attacked the man who tried to rape his daughter.

“This (class) helped me build a better bond with my kids,” he said. “It ain’t about me no more. It’s about them.”

It started eight weeks ago in Newark’s South Ward at the the NAN Newark Tech World Center on Hawthorne Avenue. Means and Paraison were among 17 men, sometimes more, who met Monday evenings for two hours to be better fathers. The men ranged in age from 18 to over 40 and they found themselves talking about nutrition, anger management, communication skills with their children, and how to navigate the difficulties of co-parenting.

The class was sponsored by the Greater Newark Healthcare Coalition, which realized that healthy families can’t be whole unless men are included to make a difference.

Brenda Williams, the program coordinator, said the coalition provided a $10,000 grant to the Newark Community Street Team (NCST) to run the class based on its reputation of helping young men lead better lives and reducing violence in neighborhoods.

“You came in one way, but you’re leaving out a different way,” Williams told the men during a graduation ceremony last Tuesday night.

Lonnie Baker, 44, of Newark said the class and NCST guidance have given him a second shot to get it right as a man and parent. After a year in jail on a second-degree aggravated assault charge, Baker said he received bail and Superior Court in Union County released him to the custody of an NCST member. As part of his release, Baker said he had to enroll in the class, which has changed his outlook on fatherhood and what it is to be a daddy.

“I didn’t spend enough time with them,” he said, speaking of his 11 and 7-year-old daughters. “I would just drop off the money. I didn’t want to hear about school. I didn’t want to be bothered.”

After two months with the men, Baker said the guy he was doesn’t exist anymore, now that he’s listened to genuine and raw dialogue about how he abdicated his responsibility.

Now, he takes his girls to the park for walks and listens to them talk about their days. Parent Teacher Association meeting are on his agenda and he checks homework after getting off work from Newark’s sanitation department.

“I don’t want them to look for something like me that was in the streets,” he said. “I want them to look for a respectable man.”

Parenting, however, wasn’t just limited to men who were fathers. Steve Williams, 52, is a grandfather and he said the class helped him be a better one to his three grandkids. Gone are the days of yelling and fussing at them, so they would do what he would want.

“I was talking down to them,” Williams said. “Now I’m talking to them.”

The class ended a few weeks ago, but Daamin Durden, one of the NCST facilitators, said the men didn’t want it to be over.

“We don’t have to stop, do we?” said Durden recalling their questions.

No. They don’t.

The fathers are going to continue to meet on their own.

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Barry Carter may be reached at bcarter@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @BarryCarterSL. Find NJ.com on Facebook. Have a tip?Tell us. nj.com/tips.

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