New effort launched to spot early warning signs that your child may be thinking about suicide

These weren’t “weird” kids. They had friends, played sports and seemed fine. Until they killed themselves.

“I think that’s what parents think – my kid is safe because she’s a cheerleader, they are popular, they are active,” said Dianne Grossman of Rockaway, whose 12-year old daughter committed suicide after being bullied last year. “I want people to know their children think this (suicide) is an option.”

Grossman and Rachelle St. Phard of East Windsor, whose 18-year-old son took his life two years ago, say they live with regret and frustration for not seeing the signs their children were suffering. 

On Wednesday, the two women — now public speakers to prevent teen suicides — endorsed a new strategy they hope will train a broader array of adults at school to spot a student in crisis.

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The Codey Fund for Mental Health, led by Sen. Richard Codey, D-Essex and his wife, Mary Jo, announced they are dedicating $80,000 to launch a pilot project that will train non-teaching school employees, such as cafeteria and janitorial employees, secretaries and security guards, how to spot the signs a child may be unstable or the target of bullying.

The Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris will do the training, which will begin in the West Orange school district, Codey said.

Codey, a former governor, also pledged he would introduce a bill that would create a $1 million competitive grant program next year, which would pay for school districts to hire more mental health counselors. The legislation would also create a task force to study the most effective ways of intervening to prevent teen suicide.

Codey said the idea of training non-educators made sense to him, recalling the thoughtful conversations he would have as a child with the school lunch lady who would save him an ice cream sandwich. Codey said he asked his sons whether they had a similar confidante; the school security guard was a trusted listener.

“New Jersey must act now to better equip all school employees to help identify at-risk students and prevent teen suicides and other mental health related incidents in their schools,” Codey said as he announced the effort at Liberty Middle School in West Orange.

“School workers such as secretaries, security guards and teacher’s aides need the tools and training to recognize bullying, early warning signs and symptoms of mental health issues, and the proper steps to resolve conflict and prevent potential disasters.”

More than 2,700 youth ages 10 to 24 were treated in New Jersey emergency rooms for self-injuries and suicide attempts from 2013 to 2015, Codey said, citing the most recent New Jersey Youth Suicide Report. During that three-year period, 269 youth committed suicide, including 26 in Bergen County, and 20 each in Monmouth and Morris counties, the report said.

Although suicide is the the third most common cause of death for teens in the state, New Jersey’s suicide rate — 5.5 deaths per 100,000 — is far below the national average of 8.5 deaths, according to the report. Teen suicides have increased 16.6 percent from 2007 to 2016.

Mallory Grossman was a 12-year-old cheerleader and gymnast who made bracelets and sold them to raise money so children with cancer can attend camp.

She was also bullied by classmates, in school and on social media, her mother said. She committed suicide 11 months ago. The Grossmans are suing the Rockaway school district for failing to protect their child after they were repeatedly warned.

“I did not believe for a second my daughter would hurt herself. I had no reason to. The signs she experienced are the same signs other tweens go through –moodiness, mad at their parents, slamming doors, loss of appetite, sadness,” said Dianne Grossman, adding, “I suffered from the disease every parent suffers from: ‘not my child syndrome.’ “

“This is why we have to treat mental illness with the same compassion we have for cancer and car accidents. we have to. It is destroying lives. It is destroying childhoods,” she said.

Rachelle St. Phard said she, too, had no idea her son, Coby, an 18-year-old high school soccer star and future college player, was in so much pain. He took his own life in March 2016. 

“I lost my son in 2016 very unexpectedly. He was bright, outgoing and everybody’s friend,” she said. “Mental illness does not always look like darkness. We need to be alert.”

“You need to have a conversation about it. It’s in their heads. Open the lines of communications before it gets to a crisis,” St. Phard said. “Do it before your child is in trauma.”

The training program for non-educators “is not going to be one thing that will be the singular answer to ending suicide,” said Marvin Gorsky, senior director of Clinical Services of the Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris. “We are suggesting this one tiny piece that becomes a part of the social safety net in the child’s universe.”

If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call the New Jersey Suicide Prevention Hopeline at 1-855-654-6735 or visit www.njhopeline.com.

Susan K. Livio may be reached at slivio@njadvancemedia.com. Follow her on Twitter @SusanKLivio. Find NJ.com Politics on Facebook.