On Mother’s Day, twins bring happiness to police officer’s widow

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NORTH PLAINFIELD – Ten-month-old Isabella coos and smiles as she holds a framed photo of her father, Edison Police Officer Joseph Wenskoski, close to her heart, and then tugs at his wedding ring hanging on a chain around her mother’s neck.

Joseph Wenskoski, 36, died June 1, 2017, 26 days before Isabella and her twin brother, Joseph Jr. were born. He had battled an aggressive form of brain cancer for 16 months.

On Sunday, Tracy Wenskoski will celebrate her first Mother’s Day with her two smiling, happy and healthy babies but without the man with whom she discussed starting a family even before they married on May 15, 2015.

“I’m planning on a very quiet, laid back, stress-free day and I’m hoping that is something that he would want for me to do,” said Wenskoski, adding last year for Mother’s Day she wanted him to spend the day with his mother because she knew it most likely would be his last Mother’s Day.

“This year I just want to spend some time with my mom,” she said. “Hopefully it will be a nice day, we can spend it out back by the pool and if it’s nice enough we can dip our toes in and relax and have a nice glass of champagne and just celebrate life, celebrate them. I think that’s what he would want, too.

“Mother’s Day definitely has a new meaning to it,” she added. “In the years past it’s always been about my mom. Now it’s a whole new reason to celebrate. … My reason for celebrating is about them, my children, more than me. I’m going to be celebrating them.”

She will spend the day being thankful for her children, she said, “and the blessing that they are because they definitely are a gift.”

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A love match 

A fire inspector in Cranford, Fanwood and Roselle, Wenskoski met her husband through the Match.com dating website. She was planning to end her subscription when she decided to check one last profile.    

“Thank goodness I did,” she said.

They went on their first date May 25, 2011 and spent hours talking.

“He was very good looking. It was an instant attraction. I felt I could be myself around him,” said Wenskoski, who learned at their first date that the Newark firefighter living next door to her future husband had worked at the construction company run by her father, a Newark fire captain.

“We hit it off right away. We had so much in common. He was just so easy to talk to. I thought we would be out for two hours, a quick dinner and a beer but it turned into six hours sitting at the bar just laughing and having a great time,” she said.

They married four years later. 

Joseph Wenskoski’s brother, Derek, a sergeant with the Highland Park Police Department, said his brother had no doubts about Tracy from the beginning.

“They really truly loved each other,” Derek Wenskoski said.

A 2010 graduate of the Essex County Police Academy, when they met Joseph Wenskoski was an NJIT police officer in Newark. In 2013, shortly after they moved in together in Kenilworth, he joined the Metuchen Police Department.

“His dream was always to become an Edison police officer and to follow in his dad’s footsteps,” Tracy Wenskoski said.

Joseph Wenskoski joined the Edison Police Department in December 2014. His father, Richard Wenskoski, was a decorated officer in the Edison Police Department, serving about 20 years.  

“He wanted to carry on the family tradition … and work his way up the ranks,” she said. “That’s where he was happiest. He really was. It was an instant family that he made there.”

“My father was very proud the day he (Joseph Wenskoski) became an Edison cop,” Derek Wenskoski said.

During his time as a police officer in the different departments Joseph Wenskoski received many commendations and awards for life saving and bravery, Tracy Wenskoski said.  

“He was just a very intuitive police officer. He knew. There was just something about him,” she said.

A sudden change

Just months after they were married, Joseph Wenskoski developed a persistent headache.

“He started feeling it New Year’s Day 2016 and he finally went to the doctor, Jan. 25, 2016 and he had surgery a couple weeks later and couple weeks after that he was diagnosed with brain cancer, ” she said.

“I never missed one doctor’s appointment. I went to everything with him. I took him to every chemo. There were two reasons basically. It was because I wanted to be there for him but basically also so I could report back to his family. Joe was the type of person who wouldn’t tell people what was wrong, he just didn’t want the attention I think. If his mom or dad called and asked what happened at the doctor’s he would say “oh it was fine.” If I was there at least I would ask the doctor questions and say what is going on with this, what is going to happen from here on out, what should we expect,” she said.

For the last six months of his life he was in the hospital more than he was home, and she said she was there from 7:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. because she wanted to be able to get a full report on his condition from doctors.

Derek Wenskoski said his sister-in-law has shown unwaivering strength.

“When he (Joseph Wenskoski) was sick she was right by his side. And the sicker he got it just seemed the stronger she got. She never waivered. It was pretty amazing to watch. She’s just a strong, strong woman,” he said.

Derek Wenskoski said his brother realized about half way through his treatments that the outlook didn’t look good, and every time he wanted to give up his wife kept encouraging him to stay positive.

Tracy Wenskoski said the Edison Police Department has been there to support her and her husband. 

“It’s definitely my family now,” she said, holding back tears. ” They have been there for me. They were there for Joe the whole entire time he was sick. When he first went into the hospital it was a revolving door of cops in the hospital room,” she said, adding so many officers came to visit that the receptionist at JFK Medical didn’t have to ask for Wenskoski’s name when they came in.

“Every surgery that he had they would come up to the waiting room. I never had to worry about being alone in the waiting room. The police department was there. The day that he died I feel like half the police department was there in the hospice room with me and with my family. They haven’t left my side,” she said.

Even now, almost a year after her husband’s death, she goes to birthday parties and little vacations with other members of the police department and their families.

“It’s just a family. It’s a bond that I don’t think will ever be broken,” said Wenskoski, adding the Highland Park and Metuchen police departments also have rallied around her family.

Somehow he knew 

Wenskoski and her husband talked about starting a family even before they were married.

 “We couldn’t wait to have a family,” she said, getting emotional as she talked. “We started trying to have a family right away. Once he was diagnosed our concern was OK what’s going to happen now with him being on chemo.”

The doctor suggested they see a specialist and look into fertility treatments. They went to the Institute for Reproductive Medicine and Science at Saint Barnabas in Livingston for invitro fertilization.

 “We did three cycles and we found out I was pregnant right before Thanksgiving and it was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is when we found out the tumor grew back again for the third time and that it was inoperable at that point,” she said.

Joseph Wenskoski also had blood clots throughout his body, his legs and his abdomen.

 “It was just crazy that we had so much going on. We finally got what we wanted and we get this terrible news. And then a month later we went to the doctor and they said OK the tumor is gone. They tried this new chemo on him and said here’s the MRI you can’t see the tumor any more,” she said, adding it felt like a second miracle.

But it was short lived. Two months later the doctor announced the tumor was back and advised Joseph Wenskoski to start getting his affairs in order.

“It was just a downhill slide from there. That’s when the seizures started and it was uncontrollable seizures at one point and that’s when he was in the hospital for a month straight. He came home after that. He was home for about a month and that was it,” she said.

When he died, she still had about two months to go in her pregnancy.

During the month before he died Joseph Wenskoski had in-home rehabilitation, physical, occupational and speech therapy.

“He would talk very little so we had a speech therapist here and the speech therapist was asking him basic questions,” she said.

When the therapist asked him his children, he told her they were having twins.

 “I knew at least he recognized that. She said when are the babies coming? He said June 26,” said Tracy Wenskoski, adding her due date was Aug. 1.

She has no idea where he got that date from. The therapist told her to write that date down.

“I went to the doctor on June 26 and he said I don’t think the babies are going to last until your due date, I think they are going to come a lot sooner. And they came the next day,” she said.

She said the police officers were texting her June 26 asking if the babies had arrived. She told them no.

“Of course I texted them the next day and said you won’t believe this he was only off by a day. He knew. It made me feel better that he knew,” she said.

The babies were born at Saint Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston. Joseph weighed in at 4 pounds, his sister, Isabella, 3 lbs, 11 ounces. Joseph came home after 10 days in the hospital and his sister, four days later.

Now at 10 months old the twins sleep about 12 hours, which allows Wenskoski to get some rest too.

“They sleep so good. Sometimes Joey likes to play games and giggle,” she said.

She said Isabella is standing but she thinks Joey will be the first to walk.

“He will stand up by himself now,” she said. “They want nothing to do with crawling.”

The Edison Police Department is helping her plan for the twins first birthday party next month. A child-size police car in the living room hints that the twins may be groomed for the family business. Isabella’s godmother is her father’s partner Officer Jennifer Iorio. 

Like father, like son and daughter 

Wenskoski said her son is 100 percent her husband.

“Looks, personality, everything. He could be a sneaky little demon just like my husband was. He loves to play pranks. Obviously like right now he’s torturing his sister and his sister is loving it. My husband was the same way with his sister. I look at him and it’s a constant reminder of my husband. And everybody says the same thing. It’s a great feeling,” she said. “Sometimes it’s torture, but it’s a constant reminder that my husband is still alive in him.” 

Derek Wenskoski also sees his brother’s mannerisms in his young nephew.

“I know it helps my father absolutely. It makes it easier to get through. It doesn’t take the hurt away or the pain. He definitely sees Joey in his grandson.” he said, adding his sister-in-law has kept her husband’s family close with the twins.

From the beginning the couple had agreed to name their son Joseph, Joey for short just like his father. Their daughter’s name was a bit more of a challenge. Wenskoski said Isabella was one of three girl’s names he agreed to.

“She (Isabella) can also be a lot like my husband. She’s a lot like me sometimes with my looks, but she can also be a little sneaky like my husband was. She’s a little daredevil. My husband was always a daredevil and no fear at all and she has no fear this kid. I have to lock the gates in the play yard and everything because she will sneak out of them now,” Tracy Wenskoski said. 

“Sometimes I think he is the more dominant one cause he acts like he’s in charge and sometimes he’ll be playing with a toy and she will just go right up and grab it out of his hand, so maybe she’s the one in charge,” she said. “I’m definitely not. They run the show.”

“They are great kids they really are,” said Derek Wenskoski. 

The twins don’t like being separated, their mother said. Recently she had to take her daughter, who she calls Bella, to the doctor, and left  her son Joey home with the part-time nanny who reported he was miserable while his sister was away. 

A year of motherhood

“It’s been crazy, but it’s been the best kind of crazy ever,” Tracy Wenskoski said in describing her first year as a mother.

“I love it I really do. It’s had it’s challenging moments where I wish Joe was here to help me but I make it through. I take a deep breath and make it through. I think like no matter what every mother has her challenges whether you’re a single parent or you’re not, whether you have a husband helping you or not,” she said.

“Motherhood has it challenges and I’m very fortunate I have a great support system,” she added. “I have my family, I have my parents, I have Joe’s parents, I have the police department. I have my neighbors. I have so many great people to help out and even if it’s just a phone call to say things are going to be OK sometimes that’s all I need. Overall thank God they are good babies. They occupy themselves. I put them in the same crib together and they play together. They’re just fabulous.”

But Derek Wenskoski said it’s got to be hard.

“It’s got to be beyond hard. She puts on a great face for everybody, but I can imagine when the sun goes down and you’re home by yourself and there are these two kids and your husband is not around it’s got to be devastating,” he said. “But she never waivers. She’s a strong woman. I can’t say enough about her.”

Tracy Wenskoski hopes her husband would be happy with how she is caring for their children.

“I think he would be proud. Every day I talk to him and every day I say ‘Babe I hope you are proud of me,” she said. “I like to think and hope he thinks I’m doing a good job and I’m making a good life for them. It’s definitely tough. I’m working three jobs and going back to school and I’m just trying to do whatever I have to to make their life the best that I can. I know with him here it would be a lot easier with him working and doing his road jobs on the side and I would only have to worry about working one job, but just trying to work the three jobs is still very difficult to make ends meet but I have to do whatever I have to do to make the perfect life for them.”

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Derek Wenskoski is proud of his sister-in-law, and he believes his brother is, too.

“Every day he (Joseph Wenskoski) is looking down and I’m sure his soul is beaming with pride just to see how she’s handling it,” he said. “His family, beautiful kids. She’s doing a great job. It’s pretty amazing.

“There is no doubt she will keep his memory alive,” he added.

Tracy Wenskoski talks to her children about their father all the time.

“Who is in the picture, dada?” she said to Isabella as she held a photo of her husband. Both babies love to play with their father’s ring hanging around their mother’s neck, too.

 “And he loves you and that he’s watching over you, right.” she said, with tears. “All the time, all the time.”

Staff Writer Suzanne Russell: 732-565-7335: srussell@mycentraljersey.com